Enchantée, nice to meet you…again

This morning, Kow and I had some much-needed bonding time around town. It was actually quite a perfect outing. Rain, shopping, free parking, GF food, a farmer’s market, three punnets of strawberries (I admit that was too much), and quality time with Kow.

Pineapple and roasted eggplant on a gluten-free crust at Z Pizza. Yummy.

Before digging in, we noticed a couple stopping by each parked car, a bouquet of cut sunny gerberas in hand. They were placing a little flower with a note on each car’s windshield!

Curious, I got up to read the note, somewhat dreadful of a gaudy advertisement or propaganda scrawled on it. Instead, it read, “Spread the cheer! :)” 

It received a hearty “awwwww” from us, renewing our belief in humanity. Ok maybe not entirely, but it was really sweet. And I’m going to ignore the fact that immediately after, a lady received a flower and started aggressively asking if they had/needed a permit. Some people…..

Anyway, the point is, after my French rant last night, among other things, I realize I need to get ahold of my life again. Life is good if we remember to spread the cheer, right? Lately, some parts have been feeling helter-skelter, but I guess life’s always in flux. Gotta get used to it. But regardless, I hope to meet, once again, balance and happiness and all things cheery sometime soon.

Après beaucoup de temps

Si j’étais capable, je vivrais d’amour et d’eau fraîche pour vivre avec toi. Voici un message pour un grand amour de ma vie. Les temps magnifiques, la nouvelle personne, et le bonheur, tout ça a crée par les temps en France.

La dernier semestre, j’ai eu le plus meilleur rêve, pleine de la liberté, du bonheur, de l’indépendance de faire quelque chose désirée de mon coeur. Ces cinq mois me manquent beaucoup; ils me manquent trop, mais je n’avais pas en exprimer depuis le début du semestre car j’étais trop occupée avec d’autres choses. Maintenant, je dois le dire….

Je crois que le français est une langue trop belle et trop sophistiquée de parler ici. Peut-être c’est une idée stupide, mais il n’importe pas. C’est vrai, pour moi. Il n’y a pas beaucoup de gens ici qui parlent français. Ou s’il y a, je ne les trouve pas. Mais je ne suis pas totalement innocente. Quand je suis ici, à l’université, aux Etats-Unis, je n’ai pas la courage (mais j’ai la désire toujours) de parler en français quand tout le monde parle anglais. Ce n’est pas nécessaire de utiliser la langue ici. Donc, je ne le faites pas. 

Je regrette de ne pas maintenir mon niveau de français après sortir du pays. Depuis retourner aux Etats-Unis, je n’avais pas pratiquer le français, et c’est dommage. Je l’aime toujours, mais ma capacité d’avoir un conversation ou lire un livre français s’est détériorée, encore plus que je pensais. Donc, ne me juge pas car les erreurs de grammaire de ce message! Je sais que il y a beaucoup d’erreurs, mais c’est bon. Je veux penser en français!

Le drapeau français sur le mur de ma chambre me rappelle un rêve. Bleu, blanc, rouge. Ce sont belles couleurs, non?

Yesterday, some of us HEC kids did a brief presentation of the exchange program to interested SC students. Walking in with the expectation that we didn’t need to do much to sell HEC (it’s in France and the top business school in Europe, after all!), the five of us spoke for about 15 minutes about the Jouy boulangerie, the BDE campaigns, picnicking by the Eiffel Tour, POWs, traveling throughout Europe, and exploring France. It conjured up plenty of good laughs and nostalgic smiles between us. However, our enthusiasm was not reciprocated by the students, not in the least. I was bewildered by the room full of unenthused faces. You can only imagine my frustration and disappointment when a grand total of two people said they were interested in applying for this program location. I put in my two-cents by adding that studying at HEC, and living in France, is a wonderful cultural experience; France is uniquely, well, French. You can only truly appreciate their lifestyle and culture by being there. Maybe it was late in the night or they already had their sights set on Barcelona, but I don’t know if we effectively convinced anyone. I was personally insulted :(

This isn’t an attack on the students nor on the concept of studying abroad in Europe, with all its concomitant stereotypes of American college students. After all, everyone has their own goals and motivations for studying abroad, and I shouldn’t force my values on anyone else. All I can say is that if I could, I’d go back to France in a heartbeat. And I can’t understand why anyone wouldn’t!!

Today was the first day of classes. My last first day of school! I’m usually nervous about first days, but today’s was colored with an especially intense anxiety.

As I walked on our beautiful tree-lined campus this morning, I was reintroduced to the look and the aura of the student body. Sun-kissed, donning sunglasses and enthusiastic smiles, these kids looked pretty happy to be here, as they should be. I usually am, too. But today, I was churning on the inside; I felt so ridiculously disoriented. I might have forgotten the layout of campus, which was scary. But even worse, I was unsure of my place on campus after a semester abroad. Where did I fit in? 

After being in France for five months and getting used to change, I thought I’d get over these trivialities. I thought it would enable me to live out the saying, “home is where the heart is,” to have a quiet confidence grounded in worldliness. But on this first day, instead of a beaming smile and the poise to walk taller, I was confused. 

I sincerely hope it gets better as I get back into the swing of things, or else this is going to be one pretty depressing year! I was discussing with my good friend about adjusting back to life here, as she’d also gone abroad. Although it was tough at first, she found herself adapting back to American food and lifestyle habits, which eventually lessened her yearning to go back. Good or bad? We weren’t sure.

I remember that my whole purpose for creating my blog was to live life with presence. To live through presentification. A part of that means seizing this moment, assimilating to the now, and not wish for the past, the could have beens, or the what could bes. It doesn’t do you any good. I think I will make that my goal for the year. Stop living in my head and live in the moment.

take me back to the land of wine and cheese!

I’ve been on a quest to find fromage frais or fromage blanc here in the US, but my search has been mostly fruitless. I checked the grocery store dairy section and read some chat forums written by similarly troubled cooks/hungry folk and have still come up short. You’d thing I’d be too busy to care… anyway, I started eating plain yogurt (yaourt nature) when I was at HEC - one of the few reliable foods at the RU cafeteria. Then when I was in Dijon, I unexpectedly fell in love with fromage blanc and fromage frais. So simple yet so yummy. Still not completely sure what the difference is, but my host parents had them in wholesale quantities at home, and they tasted identical to me. Almost everyday, I had one for breakfast and one for dessert after dinner, served with confiture de figue. I was equally surprised with how good figs tasted. So eating fromage frais and confiture de figue on a regular basis became a habit…a really delicious habit.

So why am I writing about this? (in my dairy diary…har har) Mainly because I just ate my own version made with plain yogurt and was quite disappointed. Those chat forums I read said plain yogurt was a perfect substitute for fromage blanc/frais….but it is not true, at least if you mean to eat it as a yogurt (not cooked). Wikipedia also said the French ‘fromage’ is similar to America’s cottage cheese and sour cream. But again, I think it wasn’t talking about direct consumption. 

I tried a jar of fig preserves, but it was too sweet and didn’t taste as good as trusty Bonne Maman. I’ve also been itching for apéritifs… a glass of kir, bretzels, and olives before dinner would be lovely, s’il te plaît! So I bought a jar of olives marinated in white wine, but it didn’t do it for me. And I haven’t found crème de cassis yet! It doesn’t take an exceptionally insightful person to realize that I’m earnestly trying to recreate my French life. These are real life problems, as you can tell. Greek yogurt instead of fromage blanc?! Blasphemy!

Labels aside - snob? gourmande? picky eater? pretentious foodie? - my taste buds and I are mostly just disappointed. Those who have traveled abroad, you know how I feel. The life of a former exchange student is a difficult one. 

PS: If I’m mistaken about these cheeses (ie, false distinctions, or that they can be found at Trader Joe’s or something..), let me know?